Gremlin O’Brien

I started drinking when I was sixteen years old. I stole my parents’ four-pack of long island iced teas, drank them all in the space of half an hour, and lay on my bedroom floor feeling euphoric and dizzy. This is also where my tendency to overshare via email and text started, something which I’m still working on today.

Before during and after every high school party, I binged on alcohol. I would drink whatever I could find, but I preferred hard liquor like vodka and rum, which I would mix together in a single potent concoction – no chaser. Most of my friends drank like I did, so it seemed normal to me. I was young and I felt like nothing could ever touch me.

When I was nineteen and could drink legally, I started going out to bars, sometimes with friends and sometimes by myself, and I would drop over and above $200 in one night on cocktails. I quickly blew through all my savings from working as a camp counsellor. This is how I met my current boyfriend – I bought him a shot and the rest is history. But that would be the one good thing that came out of my bar-hopping phase.

When I grew tired of going out, I started to drink alone in my room. More than once I drank until I passed out and woke up in a pile of vomit. By this point I knew I had a problem – I was drinking way more than anyone I knew – but I didn’t know how to abstain.

Then one day, my psychiatrist prescribed Naltrexone. The goal of putting my on this medication was to address my drinking disorder.

I was skeptical at first, and declined a couple times, but eventually shrugged and said, fine. The way it was pitched to me was, “It makes it so if you drink too much, you get sick” and “it will take away the cravings”. This, then, sounded unattractive. I liked drinking to excess, I wasn’t ready to give that up. I thought it would be painful. It wasn’t.

What I’ll say about Naltrexone is that its effect is gradual. I kept drinking, with the goal of stopping, for a few months. My hangovers were worse, but I could still get ‘er done. Then I went to a New Year’s Eve party and was served a vodka cocktail and could barely drink it. I felt nauseous for the whole party, but choked back a shot of rum anyway. When it came time to champagne, I turned it it down. This was a first for me – turning down alcohol.

After that it was easy. I didn’t drink for a while, until a couple months later when my boyfriend and I were hanging out and he offered me a beer. I drank it. Slowly. It tasted okay. I didn’t plunge into the drink like I had in the past, thirstily soaking up every drop. I sipped. And once I finished it, I stopped, without feeling the pang of wanting more.

Now, when my boyfriend and I go out, I may or may not have 1-2 drinks, but usually we just get coffee. At holiday dinners when wine is served, I might have a glass if it’s offered, but usually not. I use my intuition and quite literally my gut to tell me what to do. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I’m so thankful for this medication.

It saved my life.

If you’re struggling with drinking, consider asking your doctor about this drug. Some people can control their drinking, and others need a bit of help.